Harry Potter and the Canine Compass

"You wanted a phoenix Mum?"

My mum just spent two evenings ignoring me. Oh she tried to pretend that she was paying attention and behaving just as she normally would, but I could see how distracted she was.

When my Mum gets home of an evening, the procedure is generally speaking as follows: after our wild greeting where I do a lot of wriggling, smiling, laughing, grunting and leaping around, I get a nice back and neck massage on the couch, I then str-e-e-e-e-tch off the couch, letting my back legs slither down sl0-o-o-o-wly until just the tips of my tippie toes are still in contact with the top of the couch. Finally all four legs are earth-bound and if I'm feeling particularly energetic I sometimes seize something to guard at this point, you know do some growling, shaking and protecting of a fluffy toy or an old sock.

Then the frivolousness is over. I mean a girl has to do something to entertain her mum - she expects it of me you see. But then I need to get down to business. I go to the kitchen, and lie flat on the floor like one of those animal rugs - if I can make that rather horrid allusion - a little cavalier king charles rug - flat on the floor, tail stretched out behind me, paws splayed, with my nose pointing directly at Food. We cavaliers are canine compasses; and our nose always points directly to our magnetic North - the nearest Food Source. Remove the Food, place it in another location, and we immediately swing in that direction, rug-like, nose to the floor, and then we.....wait.

It is a well known human saying that all good things come to those who wait but it is less widely known that it was actually a cavalier king charles spaniel who first invented this saying. And he knew what he was talking about my great-great-great to the power of 45 grand father. His own Master had some waiting to do, and the story has come down through our generations... yes he waited and it paid off. Seems he ended up with England. Well I am less ambitious of course. England.... or a nice piece of chicken pie. No competition really.

Anyway, a few nights ago I swung into action as per normal. My Mum's not (too) daft. She gets it. This is my very well brought up, silent, mannerly, aristocratic....demand for food now. Sooner or later her enquiring face will appear around the kitchen doorway - "Cherry oh there you darling. Oh staring at the fridge again. Is my little possum starving? Is darling's little tummy empty again. Ohhhh , mummy gets her cherie trésor something to eat".

With heart high, and tummy low, I waited expectantly, my nose making its quiet appeal but....no Mum. Where could she have got to; I KNOW she came home. We did the greeting thing. I jumped, I played, I greeted. Why arent'we moving on to the next step?

Finally, I had to get up, poke my own enquiring head around the kitchen door and see what the hold up was. Oh! It was enough to make your ears curl - more. She had her nose stuck in a book. Seems my dinner had been entirely forgotton!

My huge liquid eyes 'ahem'ed silently with all their might. I forced a few tears - not actually that difficult under the circumstances - to make them even more liquid... nothing.

Oh obviously I got my dinner in the end; but the distractedness was evident. My Mum was muttering to herself; her movements as she opened cupboards, fridge door, cut, chopped, presented bowl to floor seemed choppy, hasty; in short she just didnt have her heart in what she was doing. Hmmpph well it didn't stop me paying complete attention to my food. There are only two things in this world that can distract a cavalier king charles spaniel from her food;someone else's food and um some other food.

Well would you believe that the next night it was the same thing. I began to seriously consider that my Mum was finding that dumb old book of hers more interesting than feeding me! But lo! I didn't have to wait TOO long on that second night. She turned the last page, shut the book with a snap, leapt from her seat, and started to feed me fast and furiously, muttering all the time. Endearments to me? No! She was a woman possessed. She started going on about some individuals I've never heard of; Harry Spotter or something; Dumble Doors; Then it became frantic and vocal. I hate her. She can't do this!! No he couldn't have could he? But wait! he wanted Snape to do that. And there was a phoenix - it flew into the blue. And it's going to be two years - two years!!!!

Alarmed now as she really seemd quite ill; I immediately (after finishing my dinner of course) tried to get to the bottom of this; (otherwise I might never have got pudding) . (At this point all you doggies-don't-eat-sweets-freaks out there; I have to tell you that sadly my mum only gives me the healthiest puddings - plain yoghurt, small pieces of fruit and the like - sigh.

Who is this Harry Spotter I thought to be upsetting my mum so; an obnoxious Dalmation perhaps? Hmmph I might have guessed. I mean Dalmations are all very well but you know well they're a rough lot; they hardly have that I don't know je ne sais quoi. I mean they ran behind the coaches right? Who was curled up on a velvet cushion in the coach. Ah you get my point.

Well two nights followed. My Mum has recovered her spirits somewhat and is much more prompt with my meals, but the malady has lingered slightly. She contents herself with just the ghost of a sigh, and the odd shake of her head, and then a sudden smile and a cryptic sentence such as "no no he could not have been that wrong; I don't believe it" ; "the potion might have had something to do with it. And he pleaded with him. He wanted it. It was part of the plan. I mean why else was he frozen?

Last night as I lay on my bed (in which I also let my mum have a small corner as long as she behaves herself and doesnt kick too much) what did I hear but a final, slightly comforted sigh
"it's all about the phoenix isn't it? I mean it's obvious?" and then 'two years though, two long years'.

Hummph I can see these two years are going to be very long indeed.